Will Klumpenhower

Aircraft Carrier Runs Aground in CCU Pond

Oct 04, 2022

CM - CCU students were astonished to find that an aircraft carrier had run aground in the CCU pond yesterday. The 99 million kilogram behemoth was discovered early Tuesday morning by Ben Fowler, ...

Josh McSpygate Gets Revenge

Oct 03, 2022

It’s never a good day when you lose to that god damned black and silver team the Raiders. I’m not going to sugarcoat that. It sucks. It feels like toenails in your ice cream. But I’m not too ...

Corliss Waitman, Superstar

Sep 26, 2022

This is better! It’s not good, but it’s better. I know the Broncos only scored 11 points, but that’s okay. Remember, the Broncos’ offense is only a baby offense, developing timing and ...

Has the Ride Started Yet?

Sep 19, 2022

I can’t recall the last time I felt so demoralized after a Broncos win. I had hoped in the preseason that Russ’ corny “Broncos Country, let’s ride” maxim would become a silly little ...

How to Deal with a Social Media Crisis

Feb 06, 2022

In the 21st century, an quality online presence is invaluable. More and more, brands are working to curate compelling social media profiles. Will Klumpenhower is a burgeoning public relations ...

Joel Osteen is Stuck on his Back Like a Bug

Oct 11, 2021

CM - Houston megachurch pastor Joel Osteen was admitted to Houston Methodist hospital yesterday afternoon with a curious malady. The minster of Lakewood Church was discovered in his bedroom ...