I Can’t Believe The Broncos Lost Again

If you are expecting anything new out of the Broncos you might as well fall into hibernation as they show no signs of breaking their pattern of drudgery while the season lives. Yesterday’s game was close and for a while I foolishly thought we might win it, but eventually it came to the same end as the rest of our contests. Say what you will about the Rockies, but they will occasionally win a game in which they allow 10 points to be scored. Most days the Broncos are unable to escape the realm of single digits, whether they be points, first downs, or instances in which my heart rate rose above 60 beats per minute. 

Somehow I am running across brain-dead troglodytes online who blame the defense for yesterday’s loss. Somehow it is the fault of Pat Surtain and Co., since they gave up the go-ahead touchdown. Nevermind the fact that the Broncos offense has scored one touchdown in their last 30 drives. What primeval thinking. These opinions are only useful insofar as they help us better understand how Lauren Boebert has won two elections in this state. 

We are quibbling over the minutiae. “Brandon McManus should have made that field goal.” Sure, blame the kicker for missing what would have been the third-longest field goal in NFL history instead of the offense, which rivals the Maginot Line in terms of effectiveness. They performed better yesterday than they did against the Panthers, were the beneficiaries of two defensive takeaways, and managed to score fewer points. That’s the 2022 Broncos for you. 

I will now scrounge for positive remarks like a hissing cockroach in an Olive Garden dumpster. Greg Dulcich had a nice game, I guess. He did not find the end zone, but you cannot expect that of him, really. I do not expect a water balloon to catch fire either. Greg also has a fun haircut. 

As for the defense, well, Justin Simmons had two picks. One was thrown by the backup QB and another by a wide receiver, but nevertheless they postponed the inevitable Ravens comeback by a couple possessions. Again, anyone blaming the defense for this loss probably ate a lot of crayons in elementary school. 

I think people are just looking for someone to direct the pain of their unrealized expectations onto. I get it. I was excited for Russell Wilson. I made a jersey swap and stuff. You can’t be mad at the GM for the Russ trade though, I think. If any of us were in George Paton’s shoes we would’ve pulled that trigger. Sometimes the decision makes sense, even if it doesn’t work out. 

I made this Russell Wilson jersey swap in March.

So anyways, outside of calling in a witch doctor to fix Russ I don’t see any way this team doesn’t forfeit a top-5 draft pick to the Seahawks. This is pretty much all we have left to cheer for as Broncos fans. By the way, four of our last five games are against teams that made the playoffs last year. Then we can watch Seattle use our second-overall pick to claim the heir to the lemon they sold us. Fortunately we don’t owe those used-car salesmen any more picks after this year and can spend the imminent awful 2023 season watching Caleb Williams highlights. 

So yeah, there’s lots to be excited about.