You Are Loved

*This is an anonymous story using the words of those who have been sexually abused. Each story will use the format the interviewee wishes their story to be told in, and all names and places are changed to maintain anonymity. The purpose of writing this is to elevate those who felt like they had no voice, and give them the opportunity to safely tell their story.*

Author: Kayla Krawzyk
Interviewee: Anonymous

I was the victim of abuse for six years during elementary school. My non- biological grandfather would babysit my sister and I occasionally; he started touching me when I was four.

Growing up, I didn’t realize what was happening. I saw kissing on TV, and thought that this was some kind of love. As I got older, I realized if it was love, it was twisted and wrong. I was told if I were to say anything, he’d get in a lot of trouble. I was shown violent scenes from movies and told that was what would happen to him– and I didn’t want him to get hurt, right?

Around 3rd grade was when I started to realize I didn’t want to do any of this. It felt weird and uncomfortable. I started dreading him coming over to babysit us. Through a series of events, he ended up moving into our house for about a year. After he had moved out, things happened less.

Fifth grade, there was a talk at my school about strangers touching you. They said that if an adult was doing anything they mentioned, we should tell someone we trust.

That talk weighed on me. I don’t know how long it took me, but I will never forget the night I finally told my parents what was going on because it has been the foundation for my faith ever since.

I was laying in bed, wrestling with the guilt and shame of keeping a secret from my parents for so long. I just heard God say “Get up and go to their room,” and it felt like my body was pulled out of my bed. I walked in there, fully expecting to be punished and yelled at, and with a queasy stomach and shaky hands I woke up my parents.

They thought I had another nightmare since they were so common, or maybe I was sick. I said I had something to tell them. I’m not sure when I started crying, or how long it actually took for me to say something.

All I remember is my dad held me in his arms and rubbed my back while my mom paced and asked more questions. And in that moment, I felt nothing but love and care while being held in his arms. My fears of being punished were gone, and peace just settled over me. I knew I was safe.

That was the first time I had ever heard God speak to me, and I am grateful I listened. If it weren’t for His hand in all of this, I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and my family would be completely broken.

If you’re a victim of sexual abuse, there is hope for you, no matter what part of the process you’re in. Whether you haven’t told anyone or you’re years past the incident. There are people who care for you and love you, even if you don’t believe it. God will be there if you let Him. Please don’t give up, and know that there are other people like you who want to connect and help you through this.

You are loved.